I remember my parents buying me a Game Boy when I was young, the joy my little heart felt at all the possibilities I held in my hands. I would sit on my bed, covers pulled over my head, and play for hours and hours. And the game I played the most? Pokemon.
Truth be told, Johto holds my favourite Pokemon (looking at you, Mareep!) but Kanto is where it was born. It was where so many of us sat wide-eyed as Professor Oak educated us of the creatures inhabiting the world, handed us our first Pokemon and laid out a sprawling adventure in front of us.
Following that, we set off with stupidly large grins on our faces and our Pokedex in hand.
Now, here we are. We’re all twenty or thirty somethings with real adult jobs, paying real adult bills and rekindling nostalgia from years gone by. Simpler times, when all you had to worry about was receiving abuse from Professor Oak’s grandson Gary, or rushing to the nearest Poke Centre with a selection of under powered, half dead Pokemon.
Wait, what? We can?
You’re telling me that I can find a Pikachu in my garden? A Squirtle whilst visiting the beach? A MEW!? IN REAL LIFE!?
Sign. Me. Up.
Suddenly, the world is now full of people who actually go outside, who talk to strangers and who actually explore their neighbourhoods.
Neighbourhoods full of Poke trainers doing everything they can to try and catch them all, whilst taking every chance to sing the catchy theme tune with 30 other strangers in a communal park.
We’re all running into alleyways and waving our phones over bins because, guys.. a Magnemite could be in there.
We all want to be the very best, we all want to catch them all. Or do we?
Here is a list of the top 5 creepiest generation one Pokemon you don’t want in your party (it’s for your own safety, promise.)
Pokemon Yellow’s Pokedex entry for Cubone tells us:
“Wears the skull of its deceased mother. It’s cries echo inside the skull and come out as a sad melody.”
So. That’s nice. I’m hoping Cubones can’t give birth until really, *really* late in life and the deceased part is down to old age; rather than their children taking a funny turn.
Yellow’s Pokedex entry for Hypno tells us:
“Avoid eye contact if you come across one. It will try to put you to sleep using its pendulum.”
Okay, that’s not so bad. Maybe he just hates idle conversation? Things get weirder in Gold, however. Hypno’s Pokedex entry there reads:
“When it is very hungry, it puts humans to sleep, and feasts on their dreams.”
Oh! Right. It’s amazing Pokemon haven’t just risen up and usurped humanity. They have our dreams. Think what they could hold? What secrets they have? Well it can’t get much creepier than that can it?
“By licking, it saps the victims life. It causes shaking that won’t stop until the victims demise.”
I played this when I was 7. It doesn’t stop there. Gold lets us know:
“In total darkness, where nothing is visible, Haunter lurks, silently stalking its next victim.”
Fantastic. Just wonderful.
All right, that’s not *so* bad. I used to have one cat, now I have two? That’s pretty cool. Um, no. Hand over to Ruby and Sapphire:
Now I have two cats but one doesn’t have a face. Yikes.
So, in conclusion, Pokemon are creepy. These little guys we hold in our pockets and close to our hearts hold some pretty dark secrets. Makes you wonder what’s going on with Mario behind the scenes, huh?
Just… Keep the lights on when you play Pokemon Go, OK? ♥